If you are going to creep my page ~repeatedly~ then leave a bloody message so I can know why, Please and Thank you! If you're just a random passerby, and you don't feel like leaving a message, that doesn't bother me at all. But to come back again and again without leaving any message of why.... really bloody pisses me off and you're likely to get a rather blunt and unkind message from me sooner or later and a block to top it off.
I have a god daughter that has Autism, she's a gem that makes me see how much the simple things are taken for granted. ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) is sometimes able to be worked with, sometimes not... Their symbol is puzzle pieces... because for an Autistic, it's like trying to put together a puzzle without all the pieces.
At my worst:
I'm a bitch. I'm blunt and honest. And honest that I am good at lying though I refrain because one lie starts a chain that is near impossible to get out of and I don't like the headache of dealing with the consequences. I'm insecure. I'm haunted by the past. I can't control my reactions when emotionally hurt. But I'm me, I'm beautiful in my flaws. Not in spite of them, but because of them. I don't deserve some of the best things/people in my life, but dammit, if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best. I have found one of the true loves (meaning I have several people that are truly connected by their soul to mine) of my whole existence, and he puts up with me somehow. I'm over protective of him. I have to refrain from wanting to attack certain people that try "too" hard when it comes to talking to him. I'm a romantic, and a cynic. I'm a daydreaming realist and a pessimistic idealist. I get vibes and instincts about people and rarely back down on those and I'm usually right about them... so if I automatically push you away and admit that I don't like or trust you, then be careful what you do, as I do admit that I won't be giving you any room to mess up.
I've been through hell, I've fought demons, I've pasted a fake smile on my face to hide the fact that my heart was cut and torn to pieces, I've been abused, treated like a servant, made to feel I wasn't worth sh*t, that what I felt wasn't worth even taking into consideration, lied to, cheated on, been through a marriage where I wanted to die rather than live through it and the only reason I didn't kill myself was a promise that I never would to a friend that had me swear on my love of her and my mother, had the person I thought I could trust cheat on me and then didn't have the balls to tell me so his mom had to (not my ex husband), been abandoned, been neglected, raped by someone I trusted, been physically starving for a month and a half while my husband ate at work and didn't leave enough money for me to get even 50 bucks of groceries.... and I've finally found the one that sees that I have problems to work through because of the past, that knows that, that even at the worst of times works with me, cares about me, loves me... even with my flaws... So don't mess with him, don't mess with me, and for god's sake don't even think about messing with his love for me. I don't need that heartache. He is my best friend, that is all, but I won't tolerate anyone trying to take that from me when it is all I ask.
At my best:
I'm a lover, I see beauty everywhere I look. I befriend the people that are down on the totem pole. I'm an artist. I love children, and have six godchildren that I adore. I love to decorate, dance (ballroom), sing, learn guitar, read, write (poetry and working on a novel), paint, sculpt. I'm a hobby photographer working on making that a bit more professional standing, though my true dream is a coffee shop/cafe. I would like to be a 'vintage/rockabilly' model. I love history (of the cultural side, not wars and politics). I love to study.. you name it, Religion, Psychology, Serial killers, art, literature, various computer related items... I get interested in something, and then make a study of it. I'm a jack of all trades, master of none. I'm a witch without a true set in stone religion to bind me. I follow what feels 'right' to me. I teach those who are willing to be taught. I'm a Phoenix, I burn bright, I crash and die but always rise again brighter than ever. I rely on my friends to help me pull myself back together, but have an independent streak so sometimes I go at it alone. I'm an empath that learned the ability to ignore my emotions to a point when it is needed. But I enjoy emotion, even when sometimes I get hurt. I'm typically an optimistic person. I identify with animals and humans alike. I love the feeling of being in love, it is the most "alive" feeling there is and I'm addicted to my love for my best friend, Starchild. lol. He proved to me that I could still trust someone, because somehow he had my trust from the start. Even after hell, he taught me to let my guard down and believe in love again. I'm still healing from the past, but he shows me hope, even when I don't see it at first. I'm a better person because he inspires me to be better, to try harder, to not give up. He holds my heart in his hand and I trust it there.