June 21, 2008. My heart is taken by this man.
Don't
like it? Don't talk to me, because I really don't give a fuck what you have to say
x]. Also, DON'T try to come between us. We've both had enough of that. You
won't get anywhere. I love this man more than your mind will EVER be able to
comprehend. You can't touch this, so fuck off before you even begin. He is
the best part of my life and the person I'm head over heels in love with. He's
the man I'm going to marry, and not you or anything else will get in our way. I
don't really want to go into the long struggle to get to where we are now,
because it was painful, and there are more bad memories than good ones.
Alot of people close to me didn't support me loving him, and that made it very
difficult. Eventually that leveled out because I realized that anyone that didn't
support the one thing that made me truly happy, didn't really belong in my life
anyways. There is alot more to it, somewhere in there though, I fell in love.
He's perfect exactly the way he is. I smile until my face hurts when I talk to
him, it's a wonderful feeling. He's also one of the most intelligent people I've
ever known. He's the only one that could make me switch sides in almost any
argument and see it from his point of view. I know we have alot of things in
common but our differences are what seem to have made us stronger.
With you I can finally break free. He leaves me speechless. I just
love everything about him. He amazes me, the way he breathes, the way he
eats [sandwiches using a fork?!], I'm in awe by all of it. Then he smiles. His
smile could heal the most broken heart. [Baby, I wish there was something I
could say that would make you smile forever. When we get married, that's
going to be it for me]. There is one thing that really does need to be said
here before anything else. I've had a lot of bad relationships, but Darren
treats me right. I have friends that still don't support our relationship because
they're misguided. If they knew him like I know him, they'd be apologizing for
the rest of their life. I can't find a reason why anyone could dislike Darren.
He's the sweetest most amazing person there is. I've had alot of bad
relationships and bad things in my life. I've never believed someone could
care about me or love me the way he does. There are times where I just want
to cry and run, because I'm so terrified of the ways he makes me feel. I didn't
know anything but hurt before him. When you're knocked down, you have to
heal. Healing hurts more than being knocked down ever could, and in the
end, it makes you a stronger person. That's what he's doing to me. He's
healing me. He picked me up. He didn't just pick me up though, he's saved
me.Even though my mind is always telling me I should be scared, somehow, in
my heart I'm not, not anymore. I just have a faith or some logic defying
confidence in him. Somehow I just know, he'll never hurt me. For the first time
in my life, I've had to face what I'm feeling, not be told what my feelings are,
and not pretend. Whenever I get scared, whenever I fall, he's ALWAYS there
for me to talk to, cry to, whatever. He's not just the person I fell in love with,
he's the one that makes me sure of myself and what I want, for once in my life.
I've never felt so many emotions at once, and I've never felt so alive. There
are nights when I can feel my heart beating throughout my entire body.
With you, I saw a changing in my destiny. Baby, I'm still in shock.
You're all I ever dreamed of and you love me. I've never been so happy in my
life. I love that all I want is you. I love that all I care about is you. You make me
laugh so much, and that's all I've ever believed I've needed. As long as I'm
laughing with you, I feel infinite. You make me feel these things more than
anyone ever has before. I notice everything about you, and every little thing I
love. Darren, you're perfect to me. My heart still beats faster when you pst
me. Or when you let me know you're about to get on. Oh my god, I love you. I
wish I could somehow tell you about every little bit of happiness I feel when I
talk to you. I wish, I hope, I can give you all those little bits too. You're the best
thing to ever happen to me. You showed me the door that leads to love. I was
searching for something my whole life and I didn't know what it was until I
found you. Before you, I'd grown cold and harsh in almost every aspect, and I
didn't know if i could ever be any other way. You lit up the dark corridors
inside of me, inside of my memory. I wish you could see me glow right now,
and I wish you could see that you're the reason. There is not a future for me
without you in it. You have given me a purpose. You have given me the ability
to look into the future and see something real. Something I was meant for.
Something wonderful. You give me reason to love myself, to be happy to be
me. Although I don't believe I'll ever be able to be completely happy with
myself, I wish I could show you the drastic change you've made in the way I
feel about myself. I can't begin to tell you how you how much stronger you've
made me. I know I'm difficult sometimes. I know you don't always know what to
say or do when I get scared. Just know I never want to be without you. You're
irreplaceable. I can't breathe without you.
Tell me how I'm supposed to
breathe with no air. I love you, and it scares me sometimes because I
can't think about anything without you. It all comes back to you. In the same
respect though, you've taught me to be more independent. You've taught
me to believe in myself and not to let stupid things or stupid people get in the
way of our relationship. They never will. I love you no matter what. Whatever
barriers we may come up against. Now, until we're together forever, and even
when we're together, there is nothing that could happen that would part me
from you. We get through everything together and we've got something no
one else can touch. I can see myself with you through all of the things I've
ever wanted. You've shown me that beautiful things still exist. You're
beyond anything I ever dreamed of having. You're my baby and my best friend.
A few years ago, I realized I had completely forgotten how to take care of
myself. I don't even have to worry about that now. You always take such good
care of me. I'm so afraid of disappointing you, baby. I'm afraid of hurting you
when I say stupid things because I'm upset, and it's never at you. I want to
make you so happy. You always tell me I do, but I'm just so afraid that I don't,
or that your happiness will stop or something. I want to be by your side, hold
you up when you need my support, give you a shoulder to cry on, and a loving
embrace every time you want one [I hope that's every second, I never want to
be without you in my arms]. You've already done that for me, you do it all the
time. It makes me so happy how you take care of me all the time, I just want to
make you happy too. I really hope I do, just like you say. I'm swept up in a wave
of happiness just thinking about all the happy moments we're going to have
together, and all the moments we've already shared. You have been there
for me when I didn't want to talk to anyone else. You have taught me so much
about myself and made me become a better person. I want to say thank you.
Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for keeping me grounded. Thank you
for making me the happiest person I have ever been. You just don't know
how happy you really make me. I trust you with my whole heart [and the key].
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there.You know when you're holding
someone and all you want to do is hold them tighter and tighter even when
you can't breathe because it never feels close enough? That's how I feel
constantly. Even when I'm happy because of you, my heart aches because I
can never get enough of you. This is all cheesey, all true, and all not even
close to telling anything about how much I love you. When I fall asleep
listening to you breathing, or singing to me, I know I found my place in the
world. I feel like I belong somewhere, and now I know I do. I feel complete.
See, I've always been so good at trying to hide my emotions to how I feel.
You're the only one that really knows my heart, because you're the only one
that's ever had it. The tales in my heart are just passages to the book that is
my life. You are the most filling chapters and the happiest. I hope you can
see that because you are worth every night I ever spent alone. You make me
so happy. If only you knew. I love falling asleep at night hearing your steady
breathing and your voice assuring me the best is still yet to come. Even
when you don't say the words, I can hear it in your voice. That there's more
than there is now, and what there is now, I never could've dreamed of before I
knew you. I'm assured because you're the only one who has lifted me by
words. The only one to take over my heart -- the way you do. One last thing
baby, I promise I'll always be waiting for you when you get home.
♥
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and
doubts. That was then, this is my our now.
