I'm so tired but I can't sleep, standing on the edge of something much too deep, funny how you feel so much but can not say a word, We are screaming inside but can't be heard.
Loneliness is my excuse but it dose not begin to explain how I feel. Pushed around fallen to the ground tears that should have fallen that are kept inside. Anger rising blood running colder with every step. No help no friends only judgment that is slowly killing me. I may not physically be alone but in so many ways I am. I feel cold hearted. Every sleepless night seems longer and every push brings me closer to the edge until I fall. Every night that I have locked my door turn on my CD player so loud no one could hear my screams or my crys. Nobody will know my pain until it is to late.
Yes i am a Wiccan. My Wiccan given name is Nature. I worship Athena, Artemis, and Gaia. Their are times I have been very upset with Persephone for not allowing me to pass the gate to death. For I have stood in front of it 7 times, and each time she some how convinces her love to not let me pass, so once more I'm brought back to life.
Have I ever told you
that if I sit really still and silent,
sometimes. I like to think
I can hear your heart beating
in time with mine?
Have I ever told you
that when I watch you speak to me
through lines and cords,
and bytes and ram,
I imagine
your voice,
whispering into my ear?
Have I ever told you
that I wait out each day
in anticipation,
wanting
only an hour or two,
just a second in space and time,
to feel close to you?
Have I ever told you
that there has been times,
when I ached for you,
ached for you so badly,
that the emotions overwhelmed me..
and so I sat and cried?
Have I ever told you
that sometimes,
I will reach out,
touching your name
on this cold screen before me,
wishing
I could reach in
and pull you to me?
Have I ever told you
that after the first time I heard
the sound of your voice,
thousands of miles away,
I sat up all night,
turning the conversation over and over
in my mind,
examining it,
like some newly discovered species of flower?
Have I ever told you
that I would give everything up,
just for one night
to be able to lay near you,
to feel your chest rise and fall
with each breath you take,
just to know that you are real?
Have I ever told you
that I dream of you often,
I dream of you reaching out
and touching my hand,
simply to let me know
that you are there,
and everything is okay?
Have I ever told you,
have I still yet to tell you . . .
that I love you?
