hihihihihihhihi! c:
i'm emily yvonne. ~
| 17 years old | reno, nevada | buddhist/agnostic | straight |

"down and out, so i'm out and down and looking for a substance to drown in, hey down and out, so i'm out and down and looking for a substance to drown in."

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i'm a red(not ginger orangey-red, bright red hair.) head with a medusa piercing. my natural color is caramel brown but i get bored of my hair easily. i'm also german and african american. yep, i'm "black." even though i don't look or act like it. i'm "white-washed" as they say. i'm super nice. kind of a bad thing sometimes because i don't know how to say no very well. i guess everyone can be a little mean. and i'm not going to say i'm never mean, because i am. i build walls to protect myself and i don't open up to people easily. yeah, i know. it's my trust issues. i'm usually quiet unless i'm comfortable. and when i'm comfortable, i won't shut up. i'm 5'4 which is short? i don't know. maybe? i'm unsure of my thoughts most of the time. kinda indecisive, but positive at the same time? it's weird. i try to help people as much as i can because i know what it's like to have problems and low self-esteem although i have more confidence than i ever had now because i'm happy with my life and i'm always thinking positive.

"the whole secret of existence is to have no fear. never fear what will become of you, depend on no one. only the moment you reject all help are you freed." -buddha
we are afraid to care to much, or fear that the other person does not care at all.
i really need to start taking my own advice. i hate school & i hate mostly everyone. why? because people disgust me. society's idea of perfection and beauty is completely pathetic. teenagers will do anything to be accepted. that's the problem in teenagers. we want to fit in. and when if we don't, we're laughed at. which is bullshit. so i find beauty in everything. even if it's odd. but anyways, i usually say what's on my mind. and it gets me in trouble a lot, which is stupid. i'm being punished for having a voiced opinion? lame. whatever. my best friend is the only one i can really trust along with my mother. i guess i'm just another troubled teen who thinks nobody understands me or what i'm going through.

"you know that feeling? when you're just waiting. waiting to get home, into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day. that feeling of both relief and desperation. nothing is wrong. but nothing is right either. and you're tired. tired of everything, tired of nothing. and you just want someone to be there and tell you it's okay. but no one's going to be there. and you know you have to be strong for yourself, because no one can fix you. but you're tired of waiting. tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else. tired of being strong. and for once, you just want it to be easy. to be simple. to be helped. to be saved. but you know you won't be. but you're still hoping. and you're still wishing. and you're still staying strong and fighting, with tears in your eyes. you're fighting."