Sunday ~ 04.01.2009 ~ 21:25
Hello there... Well, I didn't wrote for a long time so I thought I would do this now. I'm not in the best mood, I'm sorry. I already hate the year 2009. Everything goes wrong. I got so many problems at the moment... Why can't everything goes as it should like so everyone can be happy. But well... I guess it's me who makes it impossible. I don't know, if it is the way I am, or the way I think, or the way I react, or the way I talk, or the way I do anything. If you know, please tell me. Well... Gn'8 everyone... Byez.

Monday ~ 15.12.2008 ~ 12.41
Rawr :D Yippi finally a new message here on my Blog :D! I'm still with my love Villy and I still love him damn much. Everything is just fine and I fly over the clouds. I'm still totally in love with him and he is the most awesome person in my whole life. Noone can imagine how much I love him! Only me and him ^_^
Villy~ I love you so much -kisses chew- I don't wanna loose you and stay my whole life with you! :**

Friday ~ 24.10.2008 ~ 16:25
Uhhh myyy goooosssh!!! I just talked to him and everything is fine now and we will have time to spend together later :D I...I...I need new clothes!!! WHAAAA!!!! -shouts for help- q_Q" then ima search alone! pif... -searches- buhbi <3
LOVES VILLLLLLYYYY!!!!!

Thursday ~ 23.10.2008 ~ 22:45
Say hello to the old, depressive Deen... Yes, I'm totally down... I don't know if anyone cares about. 2 good girlffriends (just friends) wanna kill themselves and... they make me feel like them... I notice, that I begin to fall in this deep black hole again... But I'm sure, if I fall in there again, I won't have the strength to climb out and noone will see me never again... Yes I know, I hurt some peoples if they get to read this, espescially Villy. I'm not egoistic, I'm just a stupid, broken soul...

Monday ~ 20.10.2008 ~ 01:35
Ya I know... Normally I should sleep now becauz I got school tomorrow... But I can't... I can't fucking sleep and cry... Cry all the time... I'm just feeling so alone right now... I don't have too I know but I do... While I'm writing this I cry... Ya I cry... The tears just rolls down... I just saw a film... A Guy were loosing his wife... It... I don't want to... But... It reminds me of my time ago... I got Villy now... I know. I love him to death! I don't wanna loose him, never! But... I miss my ex-gf atm... I love you Villy! I will never leave you! NEVER! I'm sorry... I needed to write something... I love you darling, just you! It just reminded me of my scares... That you might leave me in future...

Es tut mir Leid

Ich blicke in die Sterne doch du sitzt nicht neben mir
Ich wollt den größten haben, doch den bekam ich nur von dir
Doch ich verlor diesen Stern und ich kam nicht mehr klar
Ich denke an die Vergangenheit, in der wir noch zusammen warn
An diesem einem Tag, an dem wir auf der Wiese lagen
und einfach nur geredet haben, Schatz ich kann es nicht ertragen
Wieso, ist ein neuer Mann an deiner Seite
Wieso, willst du am liebsten das ich von dir bleibe
Ich brauche deine Nähe, deinen Körper, deine Wärme
Ich bin so am Ende ich wünscht mir manchmal das ich einfach sterbe
Mein Leben hat kein Sinn mehr, ohne diesen Engel
du hast mir die Kraft gegeben, doch ich habe sie verschwendet
Jetzt hör ich deine Stimme, Tag für Tag und Nacht für Nacht
Kann sie nicht mehr ignorieren, hab schon soviel nachgedacht
Doch was mir Sorgen macht, ist das der Wichser dich verarscht
Ich liege in meinem Bett und schreibe diesen Text um Mitternacht
Es tut mir leid, Ich weiß ich hab dich sehr verletzt
Ich gab mein bestes, doch aus gut wurde nicht sehr perfekt
Und heute frage ich mich, warum hab ich so viel falsch gemacht
Denn du warst die Nummer Eins und hast mich um den schlaf gebracht
Es tut mir leid, ich seh es ein, ich war nicht fair zu dir
Du bist weg, denn dir war es zu schwer mit mir
Was würde ich heute dafür geben dass du bei mir bist
Dass ich deine Wärme spüre und nicht alleine bin
Doch ich weiß jetzt, du liebst einen anderen
Ich schließe die Augen, denke zurück, vom Ende bis zum Anfang
Du musst mir glauben denn heute bin ich ganz verstört
Mir kommen die Tränen, weil ich immer nur dein Lachen hör
Du bleibst mein Schatz, denn du zeigtest mir was Liebe ist
Und als ich dich sah, wusst ich Engel fliegen nicht
Warum ist schluss, ich weiß es gibt ein Anlass
Ich bin kein Wichser wie dein Freund, ich bin anders
Ich bin verzweifelt, denn ich hör nurnoch denie Stimme
Mir bleibt der Atem weg, denn du raubst mir meine Sinne
Damit du an mich denkst, schreib ich dieses Liebeslied
Ich will nur eins, dass ich in der Liebe sieg

Saturday ~ 11.10.2008 ~ 02:49
Hihi, dun wonder why everything ish underlined! It ish a special day. I will marry today the most beautiful guy all over the world! I guess in 14hours and 10mins.-
Villy wanted it traditional and said that we're not allowed to meet each other till Saturday 5PM, sooo I needed to thought about how I could tease him. I wanted some creds and finally my name registered and I suddenly saw this Birthday thingy bundle... I couldn't resist and bought one for meh... Then I thought~ If I'll buy him his name PLUS 15k creds he would be like "OMFG!!!" and cannot say thanks tew meh! -giggle- I guess, we're not allowed tew meet each other xD" I ish so evil, right? I know~ ;D I'm so excited :P -jumps around- buhbieeez all -^.^-

Friday ~ 10.10.2008 ~ 19:08
I'm so angry right now -.-" First I had to leave Villy becauz of my mum but that was okay... Then I had to leave becauz of my mtherfcking dad -__-" He shouted at me becauz his stupid pc was not working and he had no internet connection. SO IT WAS MY FAULT! Yes sure... bastard gtfo! Well I went away then becauz I couldn't see his shitface or I had to puke. So now I'm singing to Rammstein or any agressive music and I don't give a shit if he says that it's to loud!
Sorry Love that I left again~
I'm so excited about tomorrow!

Wednesday 08.10.2008 ~ 03:56
Uhh... Again at this time I'm writing something... Scary~~~ Like my stupid fan x_X
I'm nervous like hell ... About what??? You're asking?! About Saturday, of course! We still need a Room and it's driving me crazy! I'ma go and search now a puplic one and don't sleep till I got a good one! *yawn* *eyelids gets heavy*... Or... Maybe I should do it later on today after I took some rest x_X
Well, buhbi I go sleeping x_X ~ Dreams of my darling for sure! I'm daydreaming of him too x3 Love you so much darling <3 -crawls under chuu blanket and sleeps in chuu arms- <3 Buhbi ^-^

Tuesday ~ 07.10.2008 ~ 04:27
I know it's a bit late... but I can't really sleep... I'm just turning from one side to the other and I don't know even the reason why :o Maybe because of Saturday. I worked the whole time on my Router again... So, i'ts working again :s
My father will come in my Room soon and will yell at me, I know it. But I don't give a shit, will just look at him and wait for him to go out of mah room again. I don't like my parents at all, but nvm. I like 1 person much more ! XD More than everything :p I also LOVE this person. I'm really feeling like the happyest and luckyest guy on the world. He makes me high -^.^- Love him so much <3 :***

@my Friends
Sorry that I barely talk to you... If I'm not chatting with my hun I'm busy... Especially I need to apologize to mystery98. Ann I'm sorry that I haven't talked to you for like ages. Please forgive me .__.

Good night @all... I think I'll put other furniture in my old room so I'll use the room again and after I maybe sleep a bit. Loves you all <3

Sunday ~ 05.10.2008 ~ 20:35
Time for another day of my life, I've not written anything down yesterday so maybe it's a bit much.
Alot happened! First of all I wanna thank all the People who bought gifts for me, but not only them, I wanna thank all the People who was there for me in some sad moments...
Well, I won't talk about sad things now, I'M TOO FCKING HYPER!!!
And I'll let you not know why... -cough- Ok...ok...! I love my Villy so damn much, so I asked him on the 5th of October at 01:37am if he want to wear the same Rings. He was totally stunned and said then "Y-yes". I was so happy in this moment, becauz I was really nervous before. Well but this wasn't enough x) I added something! So I asked him if he wanna marry me -giggles-
Now he was totally stunned (I think his brain was dead in this moment). But he said YES! I'm so happy that we will marry!
Next week on Saturday the 11th of October we will get married. Everyone can come! I'll post later or tomorrow Date,Time,Room. Just leave me a Message so I can remember everyone.
By the way, I search sum1 with a Churchroom or something like that where we can marry. If noone got a Room we will go to a puplic one, or I'll buy a church -^.^-
ByeBye everyone ! Loves you :D
P.S.: Villy, my love to you is so strong! :******

Friday ~ 03.10.2008 ~ 19:37
Actually it's not my day today... I don't know, just problems and pain today... First my Internet connection was fcked up, then I were discussing with my dad, my Darling wasn't there and my real Ex-Gf is calling me all the time and crys on the telephone, because she got problems with her new bf... Phew, alot of things happened today and alot of mistakes I done today... Well nvm, Darling this is just for you <3

Wamdue Prject - You're the Reason

On the first time I saw you,
I knew it was rightr
and I will never have someoner
that can't purse to your
and you should have no lover
then the love is strong.

You're the reason
that I never fall assleep at night,
you're the man that I've been waiting
for all of my lifetime babe.

Please don't ask no questions all I know is on for you,
you should have no love than the love is strong mhm yeah.


I just love this song. Hope to see you tomorrow <3 *thinks of you*.

Friday ~ 03.10.2008 ~ 11:30
I miss him so much... He wasn't online yesterday... I miss him so... Everything is against me at the moment... His internetconnection, then my Internet connection was fcked up, I had to setup my Router new, then I got again Problems with my father and so on... I'm so... Idk even how I feel at the moment. It's a mix of sadness and rage and all together depression. Well, nevermind I hope that he's online today. I love you darling!
P.S.: You're not dissapointing me... :D

Wednesday ~ 01.10.2008 ~ 15:01
Wee another day of my life :D I don't know why I'm writing, I think noone will read all the senseless stuff xD Nevermind :D My hun will... I hope XD Whaa nvm then I'm the only one whoes reading ^.^
I don't have much time at the moment, I need to go to past the newsletters around... Yesh, I need tha fcking money XD" Guess What? I got 2 new Outfits and I LOVES THEM! And my hun does aswell. Sexy bums huh? *giggles* And soon I'll get my Creds... I guess stupid PayPal needs 4-7 Days because I just created tha stupid Account yesterday and now any Security shitty need so long. NVM :D
Gah, I'm always hyper. I guess... It must be him xD You know, he's like drugs... You start to like it and never can get enough... I am fcking addicted to this guy. I adore him, I love him, I think about him allday.
Wee... another thing why I'm hyper ish, I'm getting a Laptop (I choosed one by myself) at my B-Day, which ish actually on the 6th of December. DARLING! Then my Dad can sit in my Room and I'll lie on bed and chat wif you bwhahahahhaa *evil laugh*. Don't you wanna crawl under my bedcover too? *giggles* Sowwy, I'm hyper. Argh... It's late, I have to go noow q_Q"
I'm back at... uhm... 8pm...
LOVES YOU DARLING! *blows 1000 kisses to you*

Tuesday ~ 30.09.2008 ~ 01:02
I waited for you all day long and suddenly you was there. Finally you was there, I was so happy... But after 5 minutes you left and never came back online. It's you're Internet connection, I know.
I know that you never want to hurt me.
I know that you're feeling the same like me, when we're not together.
I know, that you're thinking about me right now, even if you're sleeping.
I know, that you cryed for me, because you miss me.

You're like me,
I'am like you,
I know,
that our love must be true!

Goodnight Darling and don't be sorry about today, it's okay. I'm sure, tomorrow we'll have much time to spend together, an Angel whispered me. I LoVe YoU!

Sunday ~ 28.09.2008 ~ 23:51
I'm so happy right now, even if the destiny played a trick on us again! I'm sure now, I found the one! I found the one, which who I want ever be together.I love you so much, it's impossible to put it into words. You are the one, who I adore, love and never will let go. Sweet dreams, darling.

Sunday ~ 28.09.2008 ~ 16:08
As I said, no things to worry :D Only his stupid Internet connection xD"
I'm so happy right now, even if hes not there. But I know, that he think about me <3 I'm feeling so high -^.^- Used the time to work a bit on my Page, i wuv Rainbows! Hes the best thing, which happened to me. I love him lots <3


Sunday ~ 28.09.2008 ~ 10:08
I just stood up and I'm feeling so bad =__= It is my blame that we couldn't chat yesterday anymore. I was just stupid and haven't accepted you. I should have known that you're in DND, because I said you should better go into... Im so sorry, I hope you can forgive me Honey... Please, I don't want to loose you... I thought the whole night about you. You mean so damn much to me and I incredible love you so much. I can't imagine a life without you anymore.
Please, forgive my stupidity...


Sunday ~ 28.09.2008 ~ 01:02
I hate Saturdays from now on! So many problems in such a short time... It's impossible... Well, Villy my love was finally online. We had some awesome moments but suddenly my stupid motherfcking PC got freezed... restarted, opens imvu... FREEZE! Restarted IMVU... FREEZE! I felt like smashing my PC into the ground till it's big as a stomp... Well nvm restarted my pc then, blue screen... I was like WTF! Restarted another 5 times, YES it finally WORKS! Opened IMVU, yesh my love is online <3. Talked a bit, he crashed... He went back online and I was like, phew :D He invited me, I declined and said I'll invite, I tryed but he was DND, becauz he got spammed before he was wif me in my room... I tryed it over and over. After a time he went offline... Its like 47mins ago now... And I'm sad again =/ But the most thing which stucks in my head is, what does he think about me now? Is he mad? Or sad? I don't know... I hope I'll find out tomorrow .__. -sniffs- I love you Villy, you're my sweetest passion <3 You make me smile over and over ;)

Saturday ~ 27.09.2008 ~ 21:07
I'm so sad right now... I'm still waiting, but nothing appeares... I bet it was his stupid parents, or I'm just not good enough... Well, I'm not even important... I'm crying again right now... Why does it hurt so much? Everything is ok, hes just not online... But he should be online earlier, he promised... I don't know what to do, I guess, I'll wait... I'll be up and don't sleep till I know the reason. No matter how long it needs. -throws needle away- No the right time to hurt myself now... I... I... I have to wait! Why do I worry so much? Am I a psycho? Thats not normal... Why I'm sad, if hes not online? I'll wait for nothing, I know... But I don't mind, in around 10 hours he must be online. I'll do in this time... staring at my Messenger while listening to music... I don't know what kind of, I think its at the moment J-POP, but I don't really care about the music I listen to at the moment.. Wait, I'm not even listening... Villy, I love you no matter, if you're not online! I just feel so alone, alone in my dark room.

Saturday ~ 27.09.2008 ~ 14:22
Im so happy =D *wipes tears away* It was not my fault! Nyhahaha! Oh god I'm so hyper and flying on cloud 1865156413751! Villy, I love you so damn much! You always makes me smile when I'm sad and cheer me up! I can't imagine a live without you! You're mine! I L.O.V.E. YOU!


Saturday ~ 27.09.2008 ~ 11:15
I don't know what to do or think anymore... Why do have everyone, im with, love me? Why?! Why Me... I'm not good for anyone... I'm like poison which slowly destroys you... Better you get away from me. I'm just a sad, depressive soul which searches for attention. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I already did it so much. And again im crying... Yeah I'm crying as I write this. Call me names, I don't mind. I'll just ignore you. Do I ever can quit this depressions? This black hole, I fell in? I'm too weak alone... But maybe, it's better if I stay in this black hole and never come out, so I can't hurt anyone.

Missing You

Missing you,
The way you look me in the eyes,
The way you laugh, talk, smile
When I’m with you my heart pounds fast,
When we’re apart my heart rips in two,
All my life I never thought I’d feel this way,
Laying on my bed, all alone in the dark, crying
Missing you…

I hug my pillow believing that its you,
I know there is other people in the world,
But i don’t want them i want you and only you.
One tear strolls down my cheek then another then another,
I won’t stop this till you’re right here by my side,
missing your smile, missing the things you do,
I sit on my bed,
Missing you…

I need you! I want you! and I’ll feel this way until I have you!
You wipe away my tears,
You frighten away my fears.
My life is incomplete without you,
My heart is apart till I have you,
I pray, I wish, and dream till the day I’ll be with you until then I’ll be here,
Missing you...



I Miss You

I miss you,
I miss the way you hold me tight,
And the thickly random bites.
I miss the way stroke my hair,
With such love, tender and care.
I miss the coolness of the ice,
Although it did take me by surprise.
I miss how you can always tell from my eyes,
But I hated that I couldn’t tell any lies.
I miss the goose bumps on my arms,
From your kisses full of charm.
I miss the sweetest and warmth of your lips,
That causes my heart to do a total eclipse.
I miss the sound of your heartbeat,
That makes me feel so complete.
I miss those 3 words you say,
And I long to hear them everyday.
I miss your arms wrapped around me,
I hope you can see, we’re meant to be.



Love

Love is like a rainbow, so bright and happy
Love is like a rain storm, so dark and sad
Love is a word
Love Is a way you feel
Love is what you show to someone you care
Love may lie
Love is sometimes real
Love may never stay steel
Love can come
Love can go
Love may not know its love
Love can last forever
Love can last a day
Love can say nothing
Love can say everything
Love is how you express yourself
Now that truly what love is



Lost Love

I loved you more than I have ever known
Those starry eyes
Those tender lips
You made my heart melt
Then boil into a roaring fire
I now know
What my eyes could not see
You are the only one that is for me
Many nights those tears flew
Being myself without anyone
Anyone to care about the thoughts
Looking at the sky and knowing
Many mistakes I had
Many mistakes I have had



The Mask

This mask I wear,
she serves me well,
she hides my pain,
so they can't tell.

They see her smile,
never my tears,
she shows no sorrow,
she fights all my fears.

They believe she is me,
if only they knew,
that she is my mask,
my saviour too.

My scars she hides,
behind laughter and lies,
she say's she is fine,
but slowly she dies.



Die Sterne am Himmel

der Glanz in der Nacht
in deinen Augen erscheint erst die Pracht
die selbst ein Diamant nicht zu fassen vermag!
Schau mich nicht so an
denn deine Blicke sind gefährlich
nein ehrlich
Ich begehre dich und wenn ich könnte würde ich dir sagen
wie sehr ich dich liebe
doch mit jedem Gedanken an dich
ist's wie Stiche und Hiebe auf meinen Lippen.

Meine Liebe zu dir in Worte zu fassen
es fällt mir so schwer
doch liest du auch zwischen meinen Worten
so findest du mehr.

Mein ganzes Leben
es dreht sich um dich
Darum möcht ich dir sagen:

ICH LIEBE DICH!



Ich ritze

schneide
verletzte mich
absichtlich
lächle
träume
weine nicht
nicht für dich
Rote Tränen
fliessen
rinnen
laufen
sie ergießen sich auf meinem Arm
wärmen mich
befreien mich
trösten mich
tropfen auf den Boden
töten können sie nicht
wollen es nicht
noch nicht.....



Für einen Tag...

möchte ich sterben...
Nur um all die Menschen...
leiden zu sehen...
Die in meinem Leben...
nie für mich wirklich da waren...!